Bullying

Programs in and out of school exist to help victims of bullying and address the crimes that are being committed and their possible solutions. The perpetrators are not always present in these sessions and do not necessarily see themselves as having done anything wrong, if they are.  I was bullied as a young girl when this act of aggression did not have a name. No one ever knew. In one class, this ‘annoyance’ occurred repeatedly without the teacher ever realizing. Perhaps, in another environment the bully is the victim. Understandable that he/she would resolve the conflict by taking his/her anger and frustration out on another vulnerable human being. It makes perfect sense-to him. It should not, however, be tolerated by society.

 A parent cannot be a 24-hour body guard. It is then incumbent upon us to teach our children to view the bully in a different light, in a circumstance, also, beyond his control. This lesson is to empower our children and enlighten them to the realities of another life that exists for others. The dictionary describes a bully as a cowardly person who terrorizes weaker people. It is the nature of the victim- gentle and kind, not necessarily weaker- that generally makes him a target. We must act when bullying is in its infancy before its resurgence years later in a more powerful form results in extreme acts of violence towards individuals and society at large... It all starts with our own children. Bullies are not born. They begin life as cherubic babies like our own children...They are our children!.... As parents, we must make it clear that untoward behaviour will not be tolerated under any circumstances. Following that edict, we must act accordingly by leaving our child behind with a babysitter while the rest of the family goes out to enjoy the day. Leaving the errant child behind is a lesson, plain and simple. There are boundaries in life that you simply do not cross.

Empowering the victim of bullying is the only realistic option open to us. It makes sense to help the victim see the world from the aggressor’s point of view in a totally different light. Developing compassion or empathy  for the bully-as ridiculous as it sounds- helps to understand the bully who is intent on doing harm...This act of revenge probably has nothing to do with you, anyway.... As a parent,  we want our child to develop an empathetic heart not a vengeful one that will ultimately affect his personality, his health and the trajectory of his life.  (Inviting the bully to tea at school and developing ‘music’ therapies can aid in these coping strategies/ solutions for both sides!).

We never know what goes on behind closed doors. It is here that our children begin to realize through the medium of discussion that life does not always present a level playing field. Not all children have a warm and fuzzy home life.  Some are ignored, abused or worse and some have no boundaries placed upon their conduct.  Empathy is the warm feeling we want to cultivate in our children. ”I’m sorry you are having a bad day” helps our children deal with the confrontation more easily, as hard as it is, to feel sorry for the bully by disarming him readily thus rendering his actions powerless, as he focuses on you. Role playing goes a long way to equipping our children with the tools to disengage the bully when he comes calling.

Standing up for the victim of bullying, demonstrates clearly that the victim has value, that someone cares, and that a safety net is out there able to protect him, if necessary. Showering attention on the victim –not the bully- also renders the actions of the bully, moot.  It takes a village to raise a child. But it also takes a village to protect him from those who would do him harm. Next: Inviting the bully to Tea!