Raising boys to be caring men is a societal imperative. In households where there are no daughters, it
is easy to allow our boys to think they are the main act in the world of men
and women. We must strive to level the playing field, -in the absence of daughters
in a family of boys- in all areas of a growing boy’s life. The emotional
component of boys can, sometimes, get overlooked as
these high energy humans develop into men. But it is an integral part of the overall health of society.
In our haste to create a stronger female, another societal
imperative, have we forgotten the critical balance of creating a gentler male
and lauding his transformation into this healthy, masculine persona with female
overtones? We must look at both sides of the equation for a balanced view in
raising our children. Stronger females we encourage and praise. What about gentler males? We may overlook this critical component to
their development thinking it is not that important. I’ve always wondered how it must feel to be a
male whose societal expectation was to be a man, a leader and the main provider
of the family unit. Maybe, he would like a day off for a week or two while
providing for his family.
(I have lived in a man’s world from birth. I have no sisters
or daughters and a mother, long since deceased, who was not able to interact, very
easily, with people.) From the moment of his
birth, the male child is expected to fulfill the dreams of many, one day. In my day - growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, it
was normal for the average female to finish high school, get married and become a stay-at- home mom. I
always wondered what it must have felt like to marry someone who simply wanted
to be a mother.... Would her family be just as enamored with a future
son-in-law, if all he ever wanted to be was ‘just a father’? Probably not. Who would earn the money?
I was the main wage
earner in our marriage for nearly 7 years, the only one for two when my husband
and I met - 42 years ago. Then the premature infants arrived. I became a full time mom. (Caring
for a Preemie/ Giving Birth-7/8/2012). Raising future men means allowing boys to
feel- every step of the way-just as females are expected and allowed to
do. When we cry, it’s no big deal. It’s
a societal norm. Men, on the other hand, are told at a very young age to toughen
it out, not to show emotion, to act like a man. For many boys, it is not O.K. over the course of their
early years. (Women and men both feel emotions just express them differently. ) ... Headlines
of horror and mass shootings over previous years were all committed by young males who
seemed quiet and normal in the days leading up to the tragedies. ...In that
regard, are we holding our boys to a different standard?...
One day, many years ago, our teenage boys were exercising
our dogs, one a young male; the other an aging,
greying black female with many lumps.. I asked one son where the female
was ... “ I’m combing Pretty Thing,” he responded. ... Those words melted my
heart then as it still does today. Are we isolating our boys today in a way
that is much easier to do? The internet seems to be our greatest love. It can also
make hermits out of all of us- if we let it.
(Social isolation is unhealthy and has been proven to affect physical as
well as emotional health).
We must engage our little boys with little girls at a very
early age. Music and dance is one way.(This is generally referred to as a party!). ... Today, women want and demand more. That
is good. But man’s gentle side must not
be forgotten. It must be nurtured from
the beginning because it bestows power upon society while it blesses and strengthens all of us. Mass/ serial killers started from something
very small and innocent, once upon a time. If we want a truly just society, we must look at
the total equation to make the world a safer place for all. ... Doing a
better job of raising boys is a critical first step.
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