Stay-at-homes present a valuable -'free'- source of labour and
support for both family and community alike. The work is unpaid, in
the traditional sense. But work it is, nonetheless. I became a sudden
on-the-spot daycare facility, with an exceptional pupil teacher
ratio, when our first-born arrived-three months too soon- in 1979.
... Within the next two years, two more children were added to our
family, in addition to our two large furry children who had been with us from the
start.
There is a saying that money saved is money earned. It would seem
that a corollary to that statement would be that income not earned
equals the costs of professional services-(speech
pathologist/therapist, chef, teacher, housekeeping, taxi, wait staff,
daycare, pet care) - not incurred, now
and for the future. As a parent, you are on the job, at the
scene, and able to make on-the-spot decisions for your family. Your
areas of expertise are many; your income earning potential, simply,
re-directed towards a more worthwhile cause, momentarily.
Children matter in a most basic way. Our children are the future
of the civilized world and are the most vulnerable species on earth,
taking years to finally becoming self sufficient, in every way.
Nearly every other species on the planet becomes an adult within a
year or less of birth, and self sufficient while reproducing along
the way. The job we do while our young are developing matters very much, both in mind and body.
Caring for society's young is a calling, not to be taken lightly.
It is exhausting, exhilarating work and challenges the brain like
no other. (It earns the highest praise when done well but garners
little respect or income, along the way.) ...As we are well aware,
the gold standard of care afforded each child is not always equal. In
the absence of a loving parent, grandparent, aunt or family friend,
someone has to be 'hired'
to care for our children. When there is doubt in the mind of a parent
as to who can care for our child, it is incumbent upon us to do the
job ourselves. It is a dilemma unlike any other we face as parents.
The bottom line: someone has to care for our children. They cannot
care for themselves.
As a stay-at-home parent, I recall one incident that stood out as potentially life
altering. It was the late eighties and 911 was not available, where we
lived. One weekday morning as I waited for our sons to eat breakfast, our youngest
began to choke. (911 would not have made a difference, had it been
available then.) ... (Time and distance do alter outcomes in medical
emergencies.) I prayed for the miracle that would happen. ... As his
colour began to change, our son's distress became apparent. I took
action. Performing the Heimlich maneuver saved his life as the food
plug dislodged in his throat popped out of his mouth, rolling onto the floor. That moment became etched in my mind, forever. (Crying,
breaking down, screaming or panicking were pointless. They were useless exercises in doing nothing) ... Years earlier, my husband and I had taken a
lifesaving course for children when our youngest was a baby! Now, our
son, a grade 3 student, had become the beneficiary of that life
saving course. ...
In today's high tech, mobile world, stay-at-homes
are sometimes maligned and viewed as lazy, coffee drinking (I don't drink it),
television/soap opera loving people who can't do anything.
Having been the main breadwinner for several years - as a high school teacher- I was now a much
needed stay-at-home. (Since I spent many years volunteering at our children's schools, the stay-at-home moniker is a misnomer.) ... My 'career' as
a stay-at-home was worth every penny of unearned income. ...
In the beginning, my husband was the full time parent to two dogs,
for two years. A few years later, our roles became reversed. I was
the one staying at home to a gaggle of three little boys, the oldest of whom
required ongoing therapy and special care. He arrived three months too soon. During a period of sudden
family unemployment and high stress, with a sense of focus, discipline and boundaries in
tact, I remarked to my husband one day, “You take care of
everything on the outside of the front door and I'll I take care of
everything on the inside." It was a simple, unadorned plan that has worked for us.
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