"Father's Day Should Be Mother's Day - Part 2"

He reminded me that a card was not important. He was not a fan of Father's Day, anyway. It was a holiday for commercial enterprise, nothing more. His point was understood and well taken, as he ranted, a bit longer. We needed to honour women, he continued, for all they did, each and every day. Mothers needed another holiday named after them. Father's Day should be renamed, Mother's Day - part 2.

All I had said was I needed to go to the store to get him a card. Time had run out. The holiday was here tomorrow. I had been mistaken. ... He seemed lost in thought and annoyed at the idea of a day for dads. This Father's Day criticism was a first. Where had it come from? He deserved to be recognized for his invaluable contribution to our family. Still he balked. “Mothers did more than father's and took on all sorts of duties, to make the home run smoothly”, he continued. Fathers didn't do all the little things. They did things for which others understood their value. Men's contribution to family life had value and were noticed. Moms' were different, on so many levels,  undervalued, sometimes, and not always appreciated, too. 

Much of what I do is intangible, menial stuff. He could never see the 'play', the hugging, the interaction with all the pups and kitty.. He knows its there, nonetheless. He sees the fool I am, in the evening, when they are chewing, sleeping. Then there is all the cleaning. Living in the country has its own value and its own maintenance, more than was present when we lived in the town north of here. .... There I carried laundry water upstairs, to be emptied. Our three boys were little tykes then, still in diapers. What a time. But they were healthy. I just did my job. (My husband always did his.) The basement drain could only accept a small amount of water per day, in those years. Labour ruled my day. But I was healthy. We all were. There was a time when things weren't good. Being healthy is everything.

For me, there is no separation of time or days of the week. All days seem to run together. Animals cannot tell time nor the days of the week. Their needs are always the same, regardless. Food, several water changes, washing their bedding/ towels, vacuuming the floors, daily exercise, dusting, shampooing carpet, especially in the room where Tiggy, the cat lives and plays. It is my office, too. We share the space. She plays, eats and sleeps there. We talk. Her litter box is nearby, always full, it seems. She vomits rarely now but sometimes it is an event. Her room has carpet. I clean a lot. Her hyperthyroid gland rules her life. She eats yogurt, then her specially chosen chicken dinner each day. During the night, it is her special dry thyroid diet, available 24/7, for those hungry spells and when I am sleeping. All her bowls are washed, frequently. They must, as I have learned late in her game. Cats despise their own saliva - in leftover food or in her special dry food - so food is added in a single layer, not too tightly. Water is always fresh, several times a day. Saliva floats and looks invisible. It must go. She is stable. I am grateful for her 8 1/2 pound life. We are a team. Last year I observed and recorded her actions. She took on the characteristics of a laboratory animal, a thesis, perhaps, the basis for an undergraduate degree. Understanding her behaviour helps me understand her health. She is guiding me along her personal journey. So far, so good, as they say. We play, too. She sits on me. But don't get too close. I am a different kind of cat, she meows. 

I did all the painting, still do, while fixing cracks here and there, even painted over the rusted parts of our grand old Jeep Grand Wagoneer, over 20 years ago, with our oldest, in grade 7. The special paint was bought and away we went. My husband needed it one more year. A newer vehicle would have to wait. Business travel and road trips take their toll.

I have learned the art of dry brushing our Tiggy, a step in helping her adrenal glands flush away toxins from her body. Cats have those glands, too. We should all be doing it, I have learned.  I dry brush her regularly, now. ... She loves the therapy, especially when the brush is near her head. She pushes her head into the brush. It feels so good. I must remember to do it for 'them', too. Hers is a tiny perfect brush, used to comb her, hence, reducing the amount of fur ingested. She vomits less often, now. The furballs are almost gone, I am happy to say. I watch her. She listens to me. “You must finish your yogurt.” Then comes the chicken she adores. Yes, indeed. Though she is “just a cat,” she is our cat. (I know. I know.) Pretty special, too. 

Father's Day was not for him and should be renamed Mother's Day, part 2, he kept telling me, again. I listened. Much of what the Momsey does is boring, everyday important stuff for 'them'. “How many sandwiches do you want?”, I ask him. With the dogs, fruit platter time is part of their raw diet. It is important to them and us, too.We have raised them well. They stand and stare until we acquiesce to the stillness of their imposing glare. We get it. They want their apples now! One hour of exercise per day for their breed, minimum. For us, too, I think.

“There should be Mother's Day, part 2, he continues. You are always on duty.” “Yes, maybe, but there are dads out there who are both mom and dad, too. Let us not forget that.” “You work very hard keeping it all together.” Your hours are different, that's all. ... I was in charge once upon a time. Now, he is. Roles reverse when life changes demand it. There should be no Father's Day, he boasts. Yes, I understand your point of view. But please understand mine! ...

When he got his Father's Day card, from me, the next week, on the real day, he loved the sentiments expressed in it. He was both a husband and a father, after all. He was there for family and friends, remembering anniversaries and birthdays when I would forget. He planned our trips, ran errands, made certain he was there for all of us! He stopped complaining and remembered that it is for others to determine if he is worth it. And he is, very much!