"Settling for Mr. Nice"

In our modern, fast-paced, everything new, replaceable and gorgeous world, it is hard to imagine settling for Mr. Nice. But we should. We must. These men are the true gems slipping us by because they are not necessarily tall, dark and handsome.

Our personality and behaviour help define us. Our looks have been genetically programmed from conception, of that there is no doubt. We cannot change the landscape, simply colour it, if we choose. (In my case, I colour mine daily and it takes a whole village. Ha. Ha.) What shines inside us allows the outside to glow more brightly, in unimaginable ways. (It takes a chemistry lab to create my look yet it only lasts till midnight when I turn into a pumpkin.)

As we look for Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome, the real 'dreamboats' are passing us by. For Momsey, looking for someone special was not a priority for me, in my early years. It was important that I build the person I was meant to be, little by little, with work experience, education and strong female/male and family relationships. Being self-supporting was very important to me. But I imagined I would live with mom and dad, travel by subway to my teaching job, somewhere and live out my days. That did not happen. I 'settled' for an incredible: a man who adored me and was there, through it all, for both of us.

Living through the talents of another was both counter-productive, demeaning and would overshadow my goals, my accomplishments, small or large and leave me wondering what had I become? Building a future together, if that was the plan, was better than having it handed to me. Struggling together  was enrichment at its best. Life's high and lows, tears and laughter, would become markers, historical reference points of a life well-lived. I had hoped to find someone special, someday. Then the unexpected happened, while I was minding my own business. ... I'd been working part-time, attending school full-time, living the life many of us do. After completing my post-secondary school education, I continued to work, for over a year, in two major Toronto hospitals, then part time as a cocktail waitress, in the evenings, that same year. My goal was to teach. Within a year of teaching, I was married. I asked. He agreed. I bought the rings. He drove the getaway car. (Sadly, my dad died 5 months prior to our marriage but welcomed his future son-in-law into our family 5 days after we met. What a stroke of luck.)

Four different assignments characterized that busy year, when he walked into my life, that early February evening. Finding Mr. Right had not been on my radar. I was busy working and being a student and had been 'dumped', 2 weeks earlier, after the 'contract', on an almost 4 year 'rock solid'' relationship, ended. The joke was on me, happily! My black landline phone delivered the news that day. I mourned 'its' passing for two long days, vowing to quit my job, school and stay in my bedroom, forever. My pity party ended abruptly when common sense came knocking. Why was I feeling so worthless for a man that had dumped me so heartlessly? Where were my priorities? I ended my self-imposed silliness with the realization that there were other  wonderful men to meet. There was a world out there to experience. Then, Mr. Nice, Considerate and Thoughtful showed up late, that Thursday evening, with friends, at my workplace, the first ever stand-up bar in Toronto. I was neither looking nor interested. My ex-boyfriend attempted to re-ignite what he so cavalierly ended but he had created one of the worse days of my life and was absent from it, during its unraveling. The trust built during our time together was officially gone, never to be restored? A line had been crossed. I had been disqualified, without cause! The basis of all relationships had vaporized. There was no going back. Then, he entered my life, one slow Thursday evening, at work.

My future husband had been a 'formidable' customer who tipped generously. He was polite and thoughtful, too. Back then, there was an order to life's rituals. I did not subscribe to any doctrine that did not make sense. Today, we have an enlightened world with Twitter, Instagram, Snap chat, Skype, and Facebook dictating and monitoring our every step, our every move. We are an 'open' book. But sadly some things never change. Appearance seems to be very important though good grooming should always be number one. Television seems to punctuate the theme of good looks and body perfection, time and time again. When life becomes complicated appearance is meaningless. What truly matters during times of crisis are loyalty, love, laughter, honesty, integrity, support and ice-cream! Being a real person, with insights, drive, opinions and common sense helps build the foundation for a lasting union. Though looks help define us, to certain degree, they will never ever take us to the finish line. Substance is what truly matters.

In my youth, Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren, Elizabeth Taylor and Lauren Bacall set the beauty standard high. I began to take note of fashion and makeup.  But all of that paled, in comparison, to my critical need for an education, an important first step towards the future. If my whole personal package was not its best then attracting others of a similar caliber would be a monumental challenge. I have been married to the same man, who 'walked' into the cocktail lounge, my workplace, decades ago. He met his future, he told me. I met Mr. Nice, Thoughtful, Kind and Brilliant, too. Now, we get the senior's discount. Oh, please, do not remind me! We're not there yet!