Mom 'Rule'

By the third 'delivery', it was obvious boys would 'rule' our hearts and lives. A massive mission was about to unfold. How would it begin? One day, at a time, please. Mom was there, maybe looking for a laugh, but always hoping to demonstrate a valuable life lesson to her children, as needed. 'Mob' rule was looming, on the forseable future. Would 'mom' rule be enough to stem the oncoming tide?

As our three boys grew, many decisions would be made, affecting their future lives and more. Raising healthy, informed, caring people, who engaged socially and decisively, became paramount. (We were poor enablers). The day would arrive, very soon, when mom and dad would not be there. Deciding for our boys made them weaker, less resilient, less inclined to know which path to choose, much later, when it mattered the most. ... One was a leader, a common sense boy who 'ran' his childhood 'kingdom' quickly and reacted to his surroundings, immediately. His watchful eye would gather the others when danger seemed near. The middle boy was meticulous, always trying to be helpful while the youngest seemed to follow both absorbing everything he saw and they did. The older ones doted on their youngest brother like the foal he seemed to be. They were a keen bunch, our sons. But mom was the ruler of it all. She had to be. The 'turbulent' teen years were advancing. Preparation was key, as the outside world was lying in wait.

In 1979, the study of neonatology had just begun. The purchase of books was my ticket to learning how and why, in addition to relying upon the common sense thread I knew had. Physio and speech therapy ruled our lives, in those early years, before kindergarten, for our first born. There was a dearth of information on preemie care, then. (He was born 13 weeks early, with zero chance of survival, during a time when the internet and its 'affiliates' did not exist). His younger siblings became his personal therapists, always ready to guide and follow. I observed, then followed. I had much to learn, too.

Matters of the heart were critically important, too, in raising young boys to be caring young men. .... Kindness, respect, and empathy took center stage. These human qualities could not be ignored or learned later. Their best efforts were constant reminders of the world of learning. They understood. Financial and academic acuity would happen, cemented in the daily course of living. Life was always about learning and the making of mistakes. Things like credit ratings and reputations would begin to take shape. Adult independence was a burgeoning concept in those early years. Being in control surpassed being controlled.They knew. The mass education of our boys had begun. 

Understanding the consequences of their choices was a daily reminder of the 'cost' of being human. Money needed to be saved not spent. The future was coming. Real dollars would be needed. Our 'staff' of four-legged animals reminded us of the sometimes financial burden and daily effort required for their care and feeding, too. They instilled empathy, too. These four-legged delights were the barometers of living in the moment. Retelling their stories made our lives meaningful and relevant. They were daily reminders of another form of love bonding us altogether. They were doting family members. Outside forces made this juggling act complicated, at times. But we all had a safe place to call home. We were fortunate.

Resource management was the name of life's game. There was no curfew as it served to complicate lives. An open door 'hotel' policy was not an option, either. Some days ended early; other times, later, than normal. There was much to learn and discover before leaving home. But being here with us provided our boys with 'seasoned help', nearby. 

 

Mom was present, that all knowing evil presence that would not go away! Our lives mattered, too. ... Our sons knew mom's type. She was tricky, perhaps an untapped talent, ready to deal, in any kind of 'weather', any time. The rules of human behaviour were quite simple. Be nice, helpful and kind. The outside world was not always a nice place. Consequences could be lurking. Dad was involved but he had enough to do, away on business, 3-5 days a week. They understood. Mom was far more formidable, anyway, because she knew how hard life could be, if we took it for granted.

A horrific event took place at a high school in Florida. We were sickened. The signs were there, all along, in minute amounts, then looming larger, as did the boy. Help is never complicated. We stop and listen then act. They is no substitute for the real thing called face-to-face communication. The devices we hold dear can help or hinder, depends. They are formidable teaching tools, of course, bringing us inside the mind, where all thoughts are made then 'processed'. Paying attention to one another is the greatest human gift. That all important gift.

Moms are not the only parent who matter. Dads are tops, too, critical for little boys and little girls in today's stringent societal pull. Do dads matter more? Perhaps, they do! But for the moment, I am here, a full life watching over 3 burgeoning lives each and ever day.