Breaking Up, Lessons Learned.

Breaking up is hard to do but do not rewrite the script. Time to turn the page. It is too easy to regroup when the one who broke your heart, made you cry for two days, created the worse two days of your life reappears to repair what was done.- weeks later. Never grieve over a betrayal. Forget it then eat ice cream or an Italian rum cake!

The most important quality in any relationship is trust. When that goes so does the rest of the illusionary package. Time to move on. Get over it girls.(or guys) Never moan or bemoan what never was - even if the period in question was nearly 4 years. It is a time to cleanse and reflect. I was so naive.

Being dumped happened to me, once, decades ago, in my early twenties, before online lovelorn entities existed. The online world was a futuristic idea back then. I was a student teacher, working in an upscale bar, part-time. I had my future all figured out. Then it happened. I called him, one evening, wondering where he was. He'd fallen asleep at home then scolded me as he told me we should see other people. I cried for days,wanting to quit my job, school, and life in general then cry some more. After two days, I was bored with my stupidity. Why was I giving him that much power, I asked myself? Crying was doing nothing but make me look sad and puffy. I was wasting precious time. .... Two weeks later, I met a new guy in a casual social setting. The dye was cast. We've been married for over 52 years.

Breaking up with a boyfriend is a shock but easy in the long term. There is no skin in the game for either party. No children. No history or the expense of 2 families meeting and connecting. You simply walk away. Easy peasy. Time is precious and so were my efforts of commitment and caring over nearly four years.. Never return. (His mom never liked me anyway.) Can't beat those odds.) It was a time of self-reflection. Crying, this tedious life draining exercise, was my reward to me. I felt better realizing it was time to stop. Life beckoned. Then came the unexpected. My ex reappeared on my doorstep weeks later..

I had begun seeing a new guy, an older one who had also tired of the dating game. I was a cocktail waitress, then, in the first ever Toronto stand-up bar. That night a customer walked in asking me for cigarettes from the lobby vending machine. My duty did not extend there, I replied. He had been put on notice, I was told by friends with whom he had been seated. My response was understood and appreciated  by them with laughter. Two weeks later my former boyfriend called, wanting another chance. No way. You made the 'call'. I answered it and did what you wanted. Good bye. I could never take that chance with you ever again. My self-esteem had been destroyed in mere minutes on a friendly and dismal phone call one early Saturday night.

Returning to the scene of the crime with the same actor is not an experience worth igniting. Trust has been shattered. Though my ex was surprised I was no longer interested. I could never trust him again, not ever. The dating game with him had offered up its most painful lesson. I had changed and had moved on never to re-visit that period again. 

Life is hard enough without wondering when the betrayal would happen again. There so many other guys ready to treasure who you are and respect you. Imagine that! Time to focus on new things and meeting new people. A short period of cleansing followed. .... I was okay being by myself, no longer thinking that a boyfriend was a necessary add-on in my life. My feelings mattered, too. Being betrayed and dismissed so easily and so early in life was a good thing in disguise 'cause later, I realized that being alone wasn't so bad after all just different. Powerful medicine for me!