Breaking Up, Lessons Learned.

Breaking up is hard to do but do not rewrite the script. Time to turn the page. It is too easy to regroup when the one who broke your heart, made you cry for two days, created the worse two days of your life reappears to repair what was done.- weeks later. Never grieve over a betrayal. Forget it then eat ice cream or an Italian rum cake!

The most important quality in any relationship is trust. When that goes so does the rest of the illusionary package. Time to move on. Get over it girls.(or guys) Never moan or bemoan what never was - even if the period in question was nearly 4 years. It is a time to cleanse and reflect. I was so naive.

Being dumped happened to me, once, decades ago, in my early twenties, before online lovelorn entities existed. The online world was a futuristic idea back then. I was a student teacher, working in an upscale bar, part-time. I had my future all figured out. Then it happened. I called him, one evening, wondering where he was. He'd fallen asleep at home then scolded me as he told me we should see other people. I cried for days,wanting to quit my job, school, and life in general then cry some more. After two days, I was bored with my stupidity. Why was I giving him that much power, I asked myself? Crying was doing nothing but make me look sad and puffy. I was wasting precious time. .... Two weeks later, I met a new guy in a casual social setting. The dye was cast. We've been married for over 52 years.

Breaking up with a boyfriend is a shock but easy in the long term. There is no skin in the game for either party. No children. No history or the expense of 2 families meeting and connecting. You simply walk away. Easy peasy. Time is precious and so were my efforts of commitment and caring over nearly four years.. Never return. (His mom never liked me anyway.) Can't beat those odds.) It was a time of self-reflection. Crying, this tedious life draining exercise, was my reward to me. I felt better realizing it was time to stop. Life beckoned. Then came the unexpected. My ex reappeared on my doorstep weeks later..

I had begun seeing a new guy, an older one who had also tired of the dating game. I was a cocktail waitress, then, in the first ever Toronto stand-up bar. That night a customer walked in asking me for cigarettes from the lobby vending machine. My duty did not extend there, I replied. He had been put on notice, I was told by friends with whom he had been seated. My response was understood and appreciated  by them with laughter. Two weeks later my former boyfriend called, wanting another chance. No way. You made the 'call'. I answered it and did what you wanted. Good bye. I could never take that chance with you ever again. My self-esteem had been destroyed in mere minutes on a friendly and dismal phone call one early Saturday night.

Returning to the scene of the crime with the same actor is not an experience worth igniting. Trust has been shattered. Though my ex was surprised I was no longer interested. I could never trust him again, not ever. The dating game with him had offered up its most painful lesson. I had changed and had moved on never to re-visit that period again. 

Life is hard enough without wondering when the betrayal would happen again. There so many other guys ready to treasure who you are and respect you. Imagine that! Time to focus on new things and meeting new people. A short period of cleansing followed. .... I was okay being by myself, no longer thinking that a boyfriend was a necessary add-on in my life. My feelings mattered, too. Being betrayed and dismissed so easily and so early in life was a good thing in disguise 'cause later, I realized that being alone wasn't so bad after all just different. Powerful medicine for me!

The Apples are Calling

He just stood there, this 85 pound retriever 'puppy,' tail wagging steadily but evenly, in slow motion, reminding me that more was yet to come. Was I going to react and do his bidding, soon, he wondered? I smiled at the moment, its predictable reminder. The apples are calling. The apples are calling.

It had been another busy day. In and out with this 11-year-old seemed to be an exercise in futility when bunny droppings lay hidden. Openings in our high chain link fence did not deter these little munchkins. They always came through the fence via the 'basement doors' If our Wiggler saw mommy rabbit, he'd run but she ran faster without breaking a sweat. It was exhausting work in many different ways. As time passed, I realized that this member of the rabbit species was also a helpful ally. She became his coach, helping to jump start his metabolism. Chasing her became his job and helped in weight loss.

In the house we encouraged our wiggler to fetch and carry, keeping him moving even when apple time was near. A toss onto his bed would encourage a brisk walk to fetch this fruity edible 'toy'. It was his addiction. He wanted me to know it was his as he walked back and forth. He was ready. Holding this prize made him so happy. It's nutrients and calorie counter benefits were my secrets; its delicious mind-numbing taste, his. 

Apples were akin to a zero calorie food. The calories it contained equalled the calories it took to digest it. With few teeth in place, our boy needed help to chew each morsel. An oral disease of unknown origin affected the roots of those enamel chompers. Few teeth remained. Many had been extracted and a new way of eating apples found.  I would hold it while he chewed being careful to avoid the core full of seeds of the poisonous kind. Where there is a will there is a way.

Our wiggler is happiest carrying the object of his affection and addiction. He knows its aroma and the word. Knowing they would soon to be offered, a thrice daily offering to our sweet boy, this fruit would stop him in mid run or walk. “Would you like an apple?” A run to the door would result. 

Apples of all types come calling. Red or green. A recent haul of freshly picked organic honey crisp apples has the Wiggler wondering what is in those bags that are so sweet smelling. “Go pick one, my boy.” He looks inside in wonder. I choose one for him. He is so pleased with his catch then walks and walks showing us his prize. We know and understand, encouraging him in his latest bout of exercise. He walks up to me and drops it into my hand then devours it down to the core. Another day another round of apples. Life cannot be get better than this. I know little man. I know.