The Momsey

It has been just over two years since becoming The Momsey. The name, whimsical and somewhat mystical, was used by a young lady who fought for her right to become a part of our family. She is our son’s girlfriend, an aspiring singer/songwriter, and lover of physics. ... In 2010 she, this 18-year-old young lady, performed at a Fundraiser at Massey Hall, and opened for Burton Cummings -one of Canada’s music legends- at another charity event.  ‘Lucy’ was totally humbled by the experience, especially, when she found out who 'he' was!

Anything I said or did was critiqued by this unusual young lady in superlative tones. Day in day out, it was “What a Momsey”, “You’re so beautiful”, “ You're so smart” and everything in between.  I was both flattered and bemused by her rhetoric. Who says this to a middle aged woman, mother or not?   Yet, it was great for my ego. ... (After a certain age, women need all the ego they can get!.)

While reading the newspaper one day about new stay-at-home moms writing blogs about their daily lives, it occurred to me that, perhaps, I needed to share some of my life that could be of help to others. Though I was not a writer or blogger, I had experiences, insights and wisdom, worth sharing.  (Had common sense left us, I wondered, now that the internet is here to guide us, every step of the way?) We must be in charge of our own decisions, dismissing all who would have us spend, eat and react endlessly, according to their doctrine.  As Lucy’s boyfriend, my son, said to me many times, ”Your life might be ordinary mom, but you're not!” My son designed the colourful website, creating a composite caricature of me. He is many things: a film director,- (a studio unto himself) - musician, song and script writer, special effects genius, animator, sculptor, painter, film school graduate and lover of physics. His background in the arts - on a major scale - helped propel me in the direction I now find myself. Lucy, singer and songwriter, became my editor.

There were many stories to tell and with a built in fan base of 6, I began the blog, “The MomseyBlog”, at the young couple’s insistence. Their encouragement spurred me into writing. Lucy is now my boss, my blog editor and expects me to write/post my thoughts once a week.  Though I know nothing about how to post, my boss is teaching me, she having taken a two year computer course at the tender age of 10. (By July of 2012, I finally learned to cut and paste. It was all so new to me.) By the following year - 2013 - I 'cut and paste' from another location as my personal life demands it: a very lovable 13 year old retriever needs my ongoing attention. I cannot disappoint the love of my life. Blogging is a part of my life not my life.

Keeping things simple with defined boundaries, helps reduce the life's complexities, as they arise. More favourable outcomes, with fewer financial consequences, will occur. When in doubt, I wait. Time usually takes care of the final decision. The key players in my life have helped create the Momsey, the reason I blog. It helps define who I am. Without my human and animal family, I would just be another very boring, stale old lady who loves music, loves to dance and eat dessert! 

It Was a Brutal, Barbaric Way to Die.....

It was a brutal, barbaric way to die! Left by the side of the road in early Monday morn, of March  2003, in -25 F weather, (with a wind chill of -40 F), the ten-week-old kitten struggled to survive. Was she the last of the litter, ready at 8 weeks, but still with mom? Had there been no takers, no one interested in this tiny 'free to a good home', vulnerable beauty? Was leaving this baby animal to die in the cold the only expedient answer to 'its problem'?

My plans had changed that morning, otherwise, I would not have been on that road, where forests, deep snow and monolithic hydro towers, as far as the eyes could see, graced the landscape. ...  As I drove past this unusual looking 'lump of dirty snow', I was horrified to learn the truth. ... She cried out, screaming relentlessly, as I approached her, pleading, perhaps, that I would not leave her there to die. The kitten could not move. Even the snow squeaked that brutally cold morning. Had it snowed, she would have become part of the landscape, plowed into oblivion and our family would never have known the companionship and love of a kitty cat. Another act of torture missed!

We were destined to meet that fateful day. I was rarely on that road, having simply made a wrong turn that morning. A quick look changed my life and hers, forever. As I drove to the nearest animal clinic, her plaintiff cries assured me that she was alive, for now. ... 

The Yorkwood Animal Clinic in Keswick, Ontario jumped into action as soon as I arrived and told them my story. I  returned to the car with help and began to untangle the kitten from the web of airbag wires that had engulfed her as she wriggled on the floor of the car. I prayed that I would not hurt her or worse. 

The malnourished  kitten became the clinic’s top priority that week. Warming her body, however, became paramount. The thermometer could not register her body temperature. It was too low to matter. ... Parts of her ears and tail were at risk for amputation, I was told. The doctor would do her best. The prognosis was poor, however. Time would tell. I left, shaken at the brutality of the act I had just witnessed moments ago.

Was the kitty a metaphor for life in the 21^st century where abandoning an unwanted living creature was the only expedient way to deal with an inconvenience, a burden, a change of mind or an imperfection? In our disposable society, have we crossed the line? How we treat the most vulnerable among us is what separates us from the other ‘lowly’ species. 

There was no excuse for what happened  that morning - 9 years ago! ... Our precious little pea became the clinic darling for 5 days and came home to a family of 8: 5 adults, two large dogs, and a formerly abandoned rabbit. She was spared 'selective' amputation but no longer had whiskers, losing all to the frost that day. We all shared in the saving of a life and an act of cruelty had been stopped - until next time!

For those of us living in winter climes, take note as you drive by a suspicious 'lump of dirty snow'. It could very well be your next pet. For the rest of us living in year-round summer paradise, the lure of ditches, dumpsters and  the ever popular lake makes disposing of litters of kittens and puppies, oh, so easy. 

Take note as you go about your day. You never know what lurks beside and beneath these convenient, hidden places of death. To those who would dare to dispose of newborn litters or old family pets in such despicable ways, shame on you! There's no excuse! Take them to those who care and will find them homes. It's obvious you won’t!

A Hat, A Mat and Music

A hat, a mat, a pair of gloves are simple tools to help engage the at-risk child in dance-according to The Momsey. Simple yet profound...Music is the glue.  Engagement is the name of the game, as mentioned several weeks ago, especially, where a special needs child is concerned. His academic success must be tied to something that is easy to do and holds his attention for long periods of time. All academic goals will be met when you focus on engagement, not curriculum. We must learn to think outside the box-always- where teaching those young minds, deemed 'at-risk'. Learning for these special children is our number one priority.

Dancing is physically demanding, fun and an intensive brain workout. It engages many senses...With a hat, you help disguise the child. Others will now see him as a different person and he will see himself in a different light, becoming this unconventional persona. The hat camouflages who he is, yet gives him dimension and helps define his space. The mat is his domain beyond which he does not go, initially. ... His response to music occurs within the confines of the mat- not the large room in which all participants now gather. He sees the ease before him as this 'structured' movement is repeated. ... Understanding the concepts of space and time, and  the primary special child's place within it, is crucial for successful learning to occur.

An at-risk child realizes early on that there are many things that are closed to him. His poor self-image is at the forefront of his learning challenges. His diminished co-ordination, confidence, ability to pay attention- all play a part in this internal picture of himself. His poor self-esteem, his internal clock can interfere with his learning success.

Moving to music is environmental stimulation and helps to break down the barriers to learning by building upon social  and motor skills early on.. The  group leader’s affable smile, sense of humour and meticulous plan of action helps  direct the  students to a successful conclusion of the day's maneuvers...Nothing is left to chance...Nothing... Introducing music  in this  way helps propel the child immediately into a world unknown to him. These simple instructive dancing moves will help align the at-risk child with the future unknown demands of the world around him- one session at a time...He sees success immediately. Confidence, self-esteem build as does risk-taking-in the classroom arena! ... Next,  you have  gloves to define the child’s mid-space... (the human hand is neutral in colour, unremarkable in its shape and indiscernible while in motion)... The gloves give definition and shape to the hands making them easily seen as the child moves in synchronized fashion on his MAT. Within the group, it is imperative that each participant is easily seen –especially when hand movements are utilized, non-stop. ...LEFT....RIGHT...The significance of colours used will be discussed later.

Acclimatizing the  vulnerable child to the above scenario is a  first step in helping him learn. (Curriculum modifications/ educational goals must be incorporated in a radical approach to address eventual successful learning outcomes.) ...  Throwing more money at a problem does not automatically fix the problem.  In the beginning, it is about keeping things simple so that everyone’s needs are met, knowing what must be done and why.  The dismantling of Arts programs in many schools/ Boards of Ed. is a big mistake. The Arts engenders compassion, a sense of humour, caring, empathy, joy and an understanding of how the world works not to mention a love of learning. How can any of that be wrong?

More later..

It was a barbaric way to die.....

Imagine

Imagine. ... It is noon hour at your local elementary school, a high needs school. ... Primary students are entering the gym, located at the front of the school, near the main office.... A special event is about to unfold. Unlike other assemblies of the past, this event is by “Invitation Only”...There is limited space for what is about to happen and it is directed towards one special group, usually not given the opportunity to socialize in this way... The chaperones are arriving as the gym floor begins to fill. ... The primary students are excited. ... It’s their first noon hour dance. The chaperones are the grade 8 students, having volunteered to help supervise and manage the show. ... Oh My! ...The facts of the above story occurred  many years ago at an elementary  school built for just under 600 students yet accommodating nearly 1,000 at the time I volunteered.  The entertainers of the day, ‘Elton John’, ‘Pointer Sisters’, to name a few, joined in the fun.  

Music is the common denominator that unites us all.  It is a force to reckon with. Music in all forms creates strong bonds among its users. We listen, we sing, we dance, or play an instrument. Music empowers all who dare to be hypnotized by its calming and therapeutic notes. It is a whole body/brain workout.  In the above mentioned story, a child in a wheelchair was whirled about the gym floor by a grade 8 chaperone who had previously told me that he would not be chaperoning because he “hated little kids”. His candor was understood and refreshing. He became one of the most enthusiastic chaperones that day, fully engaged with the very young energetic primary crowd.

Music strengthens the brain as it engages the whole body in a mind-body connection that is truly remarkable. Music, math and human thought are now connected in a formidable way. ... Musicians and singers are in a league all their own as their brains evolve into structures unlike those of the average person. Waiting to implement any music program in any school is foolhardy. Beginning somewhere is the secret to beginning something. Keeping things simple guarantees the success of anything. ... Music education is one thing; music therapy, another. Taking the initiative, knowing what to do and more importantly why you are doing it is the secret to introducing young children to a world that is theirs to experience and that will ultimately affect their health, life time well-being and learning success. 

Young children need to move to learn about themselves and the world around them. Dancing is a component of that learning stage. Dancing is not about steps. It is about listening to music, connecting with people and interpreting music's message, moving the whole body. For this process to succeed, someone must initiate and bring about this interplay between child and music. 

Music is a formidable learning tool that aids in the reconstruction of the mind of the young child, especially those considered at-risk child. It is a forgotten link in the classroom, that can transform the lives of young children in connecting them with the world around them. Music is about attention, confidence, courage and risk taking. There is no place like music.

A hat, a mat, and music.

If I Were Famous...

“If I were famous, what I would wear would be called fashion”, remarked our six year old after our conversation had ended. ...Wisdom from the mouth of a six year old - many years ago -  still resonates today. ... The conversation continued, as I addressed the financial burden created when purchases are made in haste and at a price that jeopardizes one's financial future, one item at a time. A pattern of ritualistic buying can be detrimental to our future well being.

We buy clothing/accessories emblazoned with the name or insignia of a manufacturer. We have paid for the privilege of wearing these items with nary a discount in sight. Is this not advertising? Are we a walking billboard? (The company’s name rightfully belongs inside, on the label.) Celebrities whose incomes are in the stratosphere are given the same products, at no cost, many times, simply to endorse the products the rest of us must buy at full cost - if we want and can afford them. When the name is on the front of a garment or accessory, should we not expect a discount, as we advertise for the company every time the items are worn or used in public? Of course, we also have the option of not buying these items at all.

We are encouraged, repeatedly, to become dissatisfied with the newest gadgets because a newer, quicker version is just around the corner. Newer is not necessarily synonymous with better. We must change our thinking. ... We feel compelled to buy, buy, yet the euphoria we derive from the act of buying rarely remains with us for too long before it is repeated over again.  Companies are watching their bottom line. Are we? ...The day after our purchase is made, it is now officially used or like new. The money might have been saved for something we want or need more which we are not aware of at the time. ... When we give in to temptation, on a regular basis, we are collectively helping the celebrity afford the luxury of buying a summer home, cottage and our once in a lifetime vacation- several times over. We must pause to reflect on how we validate ourselves. Buying is not the ticket as our six year old told me those many years ago. After all, if he were famous, his every purchase, would become the latest fashion trend for the buying public to emulate. We both agreed that influencing others in that way was not nice.

Imagine...

Financial Literacy and Toy Stores

Financial literacy begins as soon as your child learns about the world beyond the front door.  What you say and do at this point will ultimately help shape the course of his life and his relationship with money. Financial literacy is about the management of money: how to save it, spend it and manage it overall. It’s also about respect, value and people’s worth..

A child is taught that shopping is about many things. It is about people’s time, the cost of materials, the efforts or labour required to create a product or service and the use of discretionary income. It is a relationship we all share.  A shopping trip to the local toy store to buy something the child wants is not necessarily an easy, fun lesson for the child. The loonies, toonies, five dollar bills in his possession will now disappear when he approaches the cashier and the toys become his. On top of the cost of said toy there is an imaginary cost called a tax, money the government wants from the price of the toy you just bought.  Oh, the child remarks. I do not want a stranger to get my money. Mommy tells the child to pretend he owns the toys he just collected.  She tells him to put them in the shopping cart, for the time being. He thinks he has the money to buy it all.  Alas, one toy is returned to the shelf. There is no money for it. The child then surveys the cart to determine which toys he will buy and which ones are returned to the shelf.  Hmm, he wonders, if I keep all of my choices, there will be no money left for me to take home to put in the piggy bank for next time. The physical act of holding money creates a lesson, also. Money has weight, shape, texture. To a child, it is real!.. It has power over him. (Charging his items to your  debit/credit card  for him eliminates this step but begins to take him down the slippery “I owe you” slope).  As the child holds these precious means of exchange, he realizes all will be lost very soon if he is not careful.  He looks again and returns one more item back to the shelf.  Mom watches and advises as needed.

Today’s shopping trip is an exercise in personal choice and the main factor affecting it, money.  This is their day to spend as they wish and today they will all learn an important lesson about money and the wise investment of it.  At the check-out, one child is told the total cost of what he has just purchased.  He now knows that very little of the ‘monies’ he brought with him today will be going home with him. His brothers know that, too. Two spend to the max while the cautious child decides he wants some money to take home for next time.  He has bought fewer and cheaper items and is happy about it, too.

The children are reminded that only defective toys will be returned to the store not toys bought in haste. People's time has a cost attached.  In the real world some things simply cannot be returned once they are bought. This lesson is the most important one of all. Returning the toy you no longer want is not an option.  It is your cost to bear, unfortunately.  It will ultimately be the cheapest lesson of all, however! ... Mommy’s time is worth something.  There is a real and 'hidden' cost to driving the car. The manufacturer’s time to make and package the item, then deliver it to the store is also worth something. Finally, the salesperson/cashier, all of whom are paid by the retailer to serve you, their time is worth something.  Everything is understood.  We leave the store, wiser for having made the plunge into the exciting world of retail shopping.

Next: If I were famous....