High School: Testing the Limits of Thought and Reason

High school became the 'adult' training ground for our three sons. The period from grades 9-12/13 would be a beginning, a tumultuous time of deep reflection, daily decision-making, a crucial period of testing the limits of thought and reason! ... The 'familial' association that had become a cornerstone of their lives, since birth, was now up close and personal, in every choice they made. ... They had been living with the people who had raised them, cared for them and understood them well. The time for flight was soon approaching. ...

Adulthood had arrived - years before it was officially mandated. This burgeoning 'apprenticeship' program was now in effect!... High school was here, baiting their every want and need. Our sons had the size, intellect and will to do as they pleased, they were  told. But there was a cost to this bravado! Indeed there was. (Everything we do has a cost, they were reminded.) ... Peer pressure, of all stripes, was now up close and personal, demonstrating its unrelenting power over mind and body. ... A whole new perspective and directive now influenced everything our sons did, thought and felt. These were the new 'formative' years. ...

Real life with real meaning had arrived ... These daily reminders of life's choices and the lessons learned from these decisions would take them into the future. ... The talk to the teachers, have you done your homework, it's time for bed mentality of the 'elementary' school period was gone. In its place, a new day had arrived. ... Boundaries were set and very clear expectations given, with consequences a real threat to their daily lives. Their opinions, thoughts, ideas would now have 'immediate' life impact. They were living in this real life 'simulator', the effects of which would be felt for years to come.

Every interaction with people or animals tells us a personal truth about ourselves. Early on, our sons' connection with pets, gave them insights into another kind of truth about people and the cruelty, sometimes, shown these animal creatures. (The world was not always a kind, peaceful, reasonable or loving place for man or beast.) ...This 'early bonding' with animals (dogs, cats, and other animals) helped our boys build strong emotional ties, reminding them of the significance of the animal world on man's health and future.. (One day, they would all become pet owners themselves to a host of rescued animals - as mom and dad had before them.)

There was a conundrum to living at home, however. It was called mom and dad, these 'master's' of their fate. ...Our simple philosophy: “Be nice. act responsibly, help out and do your best in whatever endeavour you undertake, and wherever you go” gave them clear guidelines as to what was expected, each and every day. ... Spending earnings from part time jobs - while living at home - had consequences called paying their share of household/living expenses, a common affliction facing all who call themselves adults. ... Our sons could keep their money or give us half, if they chose to spend, at their discretion. The choice was theirs. They could not have it both ways. Life did not work that way. ... (Having 100% discretionary income was an illusion! ) ...There were bills to be paid, rent/mortgage/ house/car insurance costs, house and car repair bills, vet bills, hydro, groceries, etc. - costs associated with living an independent life.  Living at home, while in high school, was a benefit, not to be taken lightly. (The front door was a daily reminder, showing them there was 'another' way!) They learned very quickly the significance of current financial decisions and the future 'purchasing' power of money saved. This understanding and appreciation of money's power would bode well for them. It would be one of life's greatest lessons. ... Their reputation and credit rating now had real meaning, never to be taken lightly, under any circumstances! ... Financial misdirection, early on, can have serious repercussions, later. They knew.  As long as our sons saved most of their hard earned money and spent almost nothing, access to their largess remained largely intact, for their future use, when they no longer lived at home. The future was an unknown, with unpredictable outcomes. Being prepared was the key to financial security and security in general. (Our sons never asked for money and were reluctant to accept it. Their gratitude was evident. This philosophy holds true to this day.)

The use of the family cars was a privilege. It was here that our sons learned about liability, the law, the rules of the road and the dire consequences of flaunting such directives. ... The purchase of a car, expensive transportation equipment that depreciated in value, upon acquisition, was never a buying consideration. It made no sense. It was simply a transportation 'tool' not to be revered as a status symbol. They knew. They were grateful simply to 'rent' the vehicle whose owners allowed them access. ...

With university/college, looming on the horizon, the daily lessons of high school life kept things lively and real, every day of the week. With this newly acquired concept called 'freedom', came its nemesis - consequences. It would help establish a respectful appreciation for reaching adulthood, a reflective time that guided their every move. ... Though we had stopped parenting our sons many years ago, it was now their turn to be in charge. ... The real fun was just beginning!

My Left-Handed Brain

My left-handed brain has changed my thinking. ...The other day I was talking to my incredible daughter-in-law when the subject of sweet potato fries came up. It had dawned on me that I had finally figured out how to use my hand-held potato cutter that I had owned for many years. Normally, I would attach this gadget to the potato and attempt to push it through while trying to keep the potato from moving too much on the counter. Misshapen fries always resulted.. Then one day, I decided there must be a better way. I was looking at the problem in a backwards manner. The potato, not the gadget, was the object that needed to be pushed. Simply switching the order of the potato and the cutter, suddenly resulted in perfectly cut fries. I had misunderstood the gadget's use. ... I was confused by the 'how'. Now I got it! I was so pleased. ... Had my left-handed thinking been at fault all this time?


Left handed people die sooner, are injured more often and are thought of as less, shall I say, intelligent. We represent 10 % of the population. ..Does nature or nurture factor into this left or right-handed debate? Is it a bit of both or is it neither? We cannot solely say that nature determines our life's success. If nurture can help change behaviour and help make us more successful, can it change our handedness? Does it make sense to even try? ... For my mother, growing up in another country in the early 1920's, she was scolded for being left-handed and 'encouraged' very strongly to switch hands as if that could be done, easily. She grew up, with an unease that was hard to decipher, writing with her right hand with an angular, awkward style and doing everything else with her left. Did her early restrictive childhood regimen in handwriting protocols affect her behaviour, too? I do not know. If nature trumps nurture then there would be no point to special education, surgical intervention to correct malformations, and therapy.  In our right-handed world, we lefthanders can function as well or as poorly as anyone else. ... Is using our 'other' hand any different than learning something new, be it a sport, hobby, skill or musical instrument? It takes time and perseverance. The important thing here is not to take our body parts for granted. We must be grateful and ever so careful as we move beyond the boundaries of our body's agility and abilities.

Being left-handed has forced me to figure out how to use the computer mouse the 'right' way, in the first place. As a child, I would doodle on paper, using my right hand to practice, while waiting to answer a question or finish my homework.. As a former teacher, my 'quirk' of nature forced me to learn to write on the blackboard with my right hand since using my left made writing both difficult and messy. Crocheting was done the 'right' way, the first time. (Re-calculating directions for those who were left-handed seemed more complicated.) My own handwriting is not smooth or elegant. ... I am envious of other people's handwriting in this texting world. Some handwriting is simple script, beautiful to look at and a wonder to behold. Handwriting is such a wonderful personal gift to others. It should be encouraged. But being left handed poses yet another challenge as both the writing tool and writing surface need to be carefully chosen. ... My writing can be messy as I move over the words, just written, in this fluid left to right motion. The left hand creates shadows over the words just written, a problem of seeing that is non-existent with right-handed writers. ...Because of my left-handedness, my brain seems to work harder in understanding certain things. Could my poor sense of direction be the result of my left -handedness? I don't know. What I do know is that more of my brain is used in my quest to be a better right handed person. It is easier to learn right handed, more challenging to learn, using the left hand. Maybe, my 'disability' has helped to strengthen my whole brain. ... Should we attempt to teach our children, from the beginning, to use the 'other' side, to strengthen those parts of the body that are rarely given the 'lead' in any production?


I lost dexterity and flexibility, in my right hand, very early in my life.. Did that medical dilemma change my handedness? Could it, at that late date? No one knew. But here I am: a left-handed person in this right-handed world. I have managed to 'succeed', wherever I have gone. In spite of this 'quirk of nature', I am ever so grateful as I sing, dance, play and wonder what's next? ...

An Open Letter to Mr.Steve Harvey.....

You are a funny man, Mr. Harvey. In our fast paced, instant gratification world, comedy helps slow us down as we listen to the diagnostic talents of these professional funny men. You are one such talented person  Comedy makes us laugh. Laughter is medicine, enhancing both mental and physical health. ... In a recent episode of your talk show, Steve Harvey, you admonished a mom whose 30-year-old son was still living with her. I don't recall her exact response but I do remember yours. You felt that kids should be out as soon as possible. Another high profile talk show host thinks as you do. I believe the thinking to be flawed! There is another side, a very credible one.

Today's modern, high rent, part time/no benefits/ low paying/ short term/ no severance package/, non-paying internship type job or career placement world, is the new reality for many of our children. Life is not pretty. The act of applying for a job in today's world, sometimes, requires touching base, online, with the omnipotent and talented Human Resources department of the publicly traded, governmental agency or privately owned company. How easy it is to simply delete the application without ever reading it or meeting the candidate at all? The internet can create this 'job application' disappearing nightmare most admirably while also offering up incredible opportunities, as well.

Why is it anyone's business how families decide to help their children gain a foothold in today's modern, fast paced, ever changing world? ... Also, why are hosts of top-rated shows so adamant that kicking out progeny ASAP is the only way to go? ... I am mother of three adult sons- (35,34,31) - incredibly smart, funny, caring, talented in different fields, on top of their game 'driven' people, all of whom left home in their late twenties, one remaining till he was older. We benefitted just as much as they did from this 'confinement' policy which we all understood and respected. It was not easy!  Our sons' journey to independence began in grade 9, however, under our tutelage and strict policy agenda. Their journey was orchestrated and encouraged, beginning with part time jobs, learning to drive etc. Here they learned to think of their future in real time. It was not, simply, an abstract concept to be learned later, in their twenties. Money was treated as a respected commodity for their later, independent  life. ... As returning university students, they had tasted freedom in a modified format. They understood more acutely and accurately what mom and dad had endured and experienced to get to this point. ... Life had a cost, they were realizing in short order. The cost was in dollars and the full spectrum of the human condition.

The moocher mentality: the sleeping till noon, staying out till the wee hours of the a.m., watching T.V./surfing the net, playing video games, doing nothing to help is, generally, media spin, more often that not. (We are painting a most insulting picture of our teen/adult children. That is so sad! Why do we allow it?) An adversarial approach is counterproductive. ... Our three sons, all born prematurely within a four year span, were special but not more important than anyone else - including us! They knew this from the start. They were a part of a family unit, (much like a company, with its own 'benefits package' -like so many families)- that expected much but also gave much. With pets to raise-over a span of many decades- they learned early on, the importance of caring, compassion, commitment, sacrifice and drive. To be able to care for all these critters, money was an essential resource.... (Today, all our sons are pet owners to two sister 'rescue' kitties and two dogs from different families. Their love of animals is endless.) 

The world our children inhabit is vastly different than the world previous generations have lived through. ... My mother and father assisted their siblings with housing, in the last century. That was normal. Helping out family members get a foothold on their independence makes sense all around. We all need help, from time to time and in many different ways. Our sons have been there for us – (pet sitting-health-renovations etc.) as we have been there for them. And they have been there for each other, as caring men. Life is about people. How we forge this connection for the benefit of the world at large is what matters.. ... The expectations set were high, yet simple.. (Parents can be liable for the financial consequences of the actions of their underage children. They knew and understood.)

Today, all have left home. They are hard working, compassionate, high achieving individuals. Two of them have partners, one is married. Both 'princesses' are incredible, intelligent women who I have been fortunate to include as family. Had we raised the get off the couch, get a job, stop eating junk food, do as you please boys then the joke would have been on us and I would have missed out on being a 'mother' to girls. How happy would our sons have been then? They stayed because it made economic sense while helping out the family unit and gaining invaluable 'life' experience, along the way. And that was not always funny.