An Open Letter to Mr.Steve Harvey.....

You are a funny man, Mr. Harvey. In our fast paced, instant gratification world, comedy helps slow us down as we listen to the diagnostic talents of these professional funny men. You are one such talented person  Comedy makes us laugh. Laughter is medicine, enhancing both mental and physical health. ... In a recent episode of your talk show, Steve Harvey, you admonished a mom whose 30-year-old son was still living with her. I don't recall her exact response but I do remember yours. You felt that kids should be out as soon as possible. Another high profile talk show host thinks as you do. I believe the thinking to be flawed! There is another side, a very credible one.

Today's modern, high rent, part time/no benefits/ low paying/ short term/ no severance package/, non-paying internship type job or career placement world, is the new reality for many of our children. Life is not pretty. The act of applying for a job in today's world, sometimes, requires touching base, online, with the omnipotent and talented Human Resources department of the publicly traded, governmental agency or privately owned company. How easy it is to simply delete the application without ever reading it or meeting the candidate at all? The internet can create this 'job application' disappearing nightmare most admirably while also offering up incredible opportunities, as well.

Why is it anyone's business how families decide to help their children gain a foothold in today's modern, fast paced, ever changing world? ... Also, why are hosts of top-rated shows so adamant that kicking out progeny ASAP is the only way to go? ... I am mother of three adult sons- (35,34,31) - incredibly smart, funny, caring, talented in different fields, on top of their game 'driven' people, all of whom left home in their late twenties, one remaining till he was older. We benefitted just as much as they did from this 'confinement' policy which we all understood and respected. It was not easy!  Our sons' journey to independence began in grade 9, however, under our tutelage and strict policy agenda. Their journey was orchestrated and encouraged, beginning with part time jobs, learning to drive etc. Here they learned to think of their future in real time. It was not, simply, an abstract concept to be learned later, in their twenties. Money was treated as a respected commodity for their later, independent  life. ... As returning university students, they had tasted freedom in a modified format. They understood more acutely and accurately what mom and dad had endured and experienced to get to this point. ... Life had a cost, they were realizing in short order. The cost was in dollars and the full spectrum of the human condition.

The moocher mentality: the sleeping till noon, staying out till the wee hours of the a.m., watching T.V./surfing the net, playing video games, doing nothing to help is, generally, media spin, more often that not. (We are painting a most insulting picture of our teen/adult children. That is so sad! Why do we allow it?) An adversarial approach is counterproductive. ... Our three sons, all born prematurely within a four year span, were special but not more important than anyone else - including us! They knew this from the start. They were a part of a family unit, (much like a company, with its own 'benefits package' -like so many families)- that expected much but also gave much. With pets to raise-over a span of many decades- they learned early on, the importance of caring, compassion, commitment, sacrifice and drive. To be able to care for all these critters, money was an essential resource.... (Today, all our sons are pet owners to two sister 'rescue' kitties and two dogs from different families. Their love of animals is endless.) 

The world our children inhabit is vastly different than the world previous generations have lived through. ... My mother and father assisted their siblings with housing, in the last century. That was normal. Helping out family members get a foothold on their independence makes sense all around. We all need help, from time to time and in many different ways. Our sons have been there for us – (pet sitting-health-renovations etc.) as we have been there for them. And they have been there for each other, as caring men. Life is about people. How we forge this connection for the benefit of the world at large is what matters.. ... The expectations set were high, yet simple.. (Parents can be liable for the financial consequences of the actions of their underage children. They knew and understood.)

Today, all have left home. They are hard working, compassionate, high achieving individuals. Two of them have partners, one is married. Both 'princesses' are incredible, intelligent women who I have been fortunate to include as family. Had we raised the get off the couch, get a job, stop eating junk food, do as you please boys then the joke would have been on us and I would have missed out on being a 'mother' to girls. How happy would our sons have been then? They stayed because it made economic sense while helping out the family unit and gaining invaluable 'life' experience, along the way. And that was not always funny.