"A Mind of Your Own"

As I gazed at our 5-pound preemie, upon our arrival home from hospital, the thought of the awesome power I possessed in altering the life of this newly formed human being hit me hard. How would I transform this innocent little being into a confident, successful, socially adept adult? What were those magical steps towards adulthood? There weren't any, of course. What I feared most, however, as I looked into the face of innocence was mind control, the power one human had over another 24/7 - without consent!

It was 1979- when our first-born arrived - an era where cults, those groups of individuals whose motives for admission into their special group, remained unclear, yet foreboding, for parents. They were always headline news. Their code of strict adherence to 'company doctrine' made some young adults perfect candidates for this submissive way of life. Utter subservience and control by these charming, yet seeming altruistic strangers was their goal. Would our son and any future children be perfect candidates or victims for this mind-playing game, led by these charismatic leaders? It was hard to tell at the tender age of 2 months – that first day home - what sort of person our son would grow up to be. Wondering how to protect him from this avarice control, of the criminal kind, would become a priority for me. Complete strangers could have an effect on our children and we would have no say in the matter. Neither side would be listening! Neither side would care! We would be totally powerless.

From the beginning, each of our children had decisions to make : what to wear, co-operative behaviour at home and school, food choices, bedtime hours, work ethic etc.. Encouragement of good decisions were constant reminders of the future and the consequences that would follow each of these decisions. ... Full independence, by high school, would help prepare our boys for a life - beyond - living with us! Their self-worth, sense of well being and confidence had to be fully formed by then. It was critical for establishing who they were, before leaving home.

We are our children's protectors, their nurturers, from birth, as they slowly begin to develop and evolve into creatures of formidable potential. Are we courageous enough to begin the evolutionary task of handing over the reins of power in preparation for the unknown awesome journey that lay ahead for them? Are we worried they will not listen to us? (Later, the problem could very well be some unknown 'entity' not envisioned in our wildest imagination that 'replaces' us in their lives.) ... Our children need to acquire and practice, the art of good decision-making, from the beginning.

It had been raining heavily when the absurd, in mind control, entered our lives. As I waited for our sons to depart from school, I noticed one son carrying his rubber boots. As he climbed into the car, I listened as the story unfolded. He had been ridiculed and demeaned for his choice of footwear. His right to wear them brought him face to face with the #1 nemesis of our children: the omnipotent bully, the CEO of mind control. They walk in all levels of society, of either sex, not needing a reason to ply their trade to anyone who falls victim to their model of tyranny. Today, it was our young son's turn at the wheel. And so my lecture began. "Strangers' intrusion into our lives was a fact of life," I replied to him, as his brothers - primary grade students also - listened. "Get used to it," I continued, "but learn to ignore it! I will teach you." Others who impart their personal crude rule of justice are jealous, unhappy or worse, bullied themselves in other environments. They have no self-esteem, sadly, and perhaps are powerless in other areas of their lives. It would seem fair to strip others of their sense of well-being and fair play. Bullies retaliate without thought or reason against those who are easy prey, not prone to quirks of aggressive behaviour. Imposing their will upon others gives bullies their self-worth, the power they so desperately crave. Their need to control adds yet another layer of chaos into their already chaotic lives. They are intrusive and overbearing. Bullies lurk everywhere, in all places. Mom or dad cannot always be there to help, I reminded Alex. “Tomorrow, you will re-gain control. It is your responsibility. It will be a new day." 'Alex' would ask the questions, engage with words, and role-play what he had learned, in the car, the previous day, in the hastily executed lesson, from mom. This bully's intrusion into our lives would not be tolerated. We were minding our own business. She was not! At the end of the next school day, with rain still pouring down, the 'rehearsal' of the previous day, had left its mark. Out of the school came our 'boot wearing' son! ... The words of yesterday's lesson still echoed in his head, in typical 'Momsey' fashion. Mind control was brought to a close. 'His boots were made for walking', once again. 

Tyranny had paid a short visit but was sent on its merry way. ...  As a high school senior, 'Alex' was witness to yet another example of bullying when his junior 'buddy' was seen being 'bothered' by an older boy, in the cafeteria. The objectionable nature of the meeting - during lunch – caught Alex's attention, immediately. He approached his junior buddy knowing how he felt. Let me know if he comes calling again, Alex remarked. The young boy would. Another oppressive moment had come to an end. The freshman student seemed to come alive, in the knowledge that help was close at hand, if ever needed. His confidence restored, he continued to eat his lunch. Mind control was sent away, again.

What our children wear, the music they listen to, their sometimes ridiculous hair cuts and colours, the accessories of attire, will be 'small potatoes' when mind control comes home to roost. Our mandate, as parents, is simple: to ensure our children have a voice, showing them the power they wield and the results of a life well-lived. Failure to execute this 'right to think' policy, early in their lives, will simply open the door for others to occupy our children's mind, once inhabited by their thoughts and opinions. A child with a mind of his own is a beautiful thing, after all.