And So it Happened to Me

As a nineteen-year-old, working part time, in a local deli/convenience store, I was summarily groped by my boss, a man of many faces. He was not nice to his teen employees. As students, naive, trusting, while looking towards our future, we had no rights in his mind. His utterances were also a reflection of this.

Workplace laws and the minimum hourly wage of less than a dollar dictated my teen world. I was happy to be working and saving my money for university or college, whatever 'institution' would accept me. Part time jobs ruled the day, then, as it seems to, today. My employer ruled his kingdom in the basement of his store where I had been sent for 'inventory', that day. I was not expecting the pickings to be me. How naive I was.

We are all complicit, to a degree, in fostering the behaviour of those men who think of women, as second rate humans, unequal to them. Have beauty pageants, provocative posters, advertisements and 'R' rated movies helped keep women in our respective places? We are objects of admiration, yet to be demeaned, dismissed, ignored, at a later time, when it suits whoever is in charge. But let us not vilify the whole herd. It is unfair, ridiculous and downright mean. As a cocktail waitress, in the late 60's, in a conservative costume of its day: blouse, skirt and vest, I was 'violated' by two customers who felt obligated to demean me as I cleared their table. My retort was quick and to the point, catching them off guard. I was not what they had expected, a timid willing victim. Justice was swift. I was vindicated. A rude utterance, one day, from a 'friend' from our distant past, reminded me that some things never change. Oh, my, I could never say that. But he did. No one ever knew. But I never forgot! The 'friendship' died.

My future husband's first gift to me was a complete set of encyclopedia of cookbooks. (I hear the laughter now). I was and still am fascinated by food and its collective footprint on human health. Back in my day, food was a burgeoning study. I was fascinated by it all! While admiring the Woman's Day Encyclopedia of Cooking, one day, 'John' noticed my focused attention on these magnificent hardcover gems of food, recipes, and illustrations, in the home of a friend. I owned nothing like it. Soon, I was presented with the complete treasure trove set of these recipes, photographs and historical facts all bounded in majestic hardcover artistry. And it wasn't even my birthday. My now husband has always thought of me as an accomplished somebody. At times, I believe it, too; other times, no. Is that the result of my personal history?

Hollywood is up in arms over what has transpired these past few months. Women have been on the back burner, perhaps, historically and given few choices other than the 'obvious', for paid work. The workplace has evolved while men have always been in the driver seat. But has society not expected them to be? For those women who have always wanted to be a mom, how would that have gone over with the future-in-laws if the guy had said the same thing and had no aspirations beyond being a dad. He might have been considered a poor husband choice. Yet we are not. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world, some say. It has its moments and the rewards are incredible.

In an episode of M.A.S.H, the war sit-com show from the 70's, a Swedish doctor arrives at the M.A.S.H unit to observe army combat surgery, only to be met with delinquent sexist views when she begins to demonstrates, quite skillfully, a life enhancing surgical procedure on one young soldier, while, later, saving the life of another, who was suffocating. In both instances, sexism reared its ugly head. Two doctors were made to feel inadequate by her skill set. The episode ended with the chief of surgery admonishing the demeaning views of another colleague while showing remorse for his own ridiculous outdated, patronizing views on the 'weaker' sex. Everyone had been put on notice. Times were changing.

Diamonds are not this girl's best friend. Other things matter more. No engagement ring for me, either. He followed me wherever my career took me and quit a lucrative career, in group insurance and financial planning, to do that. When we married, he was prepared to take my name if I had wanted. I wanted to 'move up' in the alphabet so I adopted his. (His surname was easier to pronounce, anyway.) 'High school' decimated my first name. Seemed like it was too hard to pronounce. Ouch, my self-esteem.

As a female, in my male dominated world, I understand the male mantle, only too well. We've have it bad, many times, but so have they. The men of the majority are kind, funny and loving. Go after history, when things were worse. If we condemn them now, collectively, we cast a very long shadow on our sons and daughters, too. How unfair is that!