The Holiday Sugar Dilemma

We had been invited to visit, around the noon hour, during the holiday season. With three young boys in tow, I hoped lunch of some kind would be served. Family always had some sort of food readily available. I know I did. What we faced wasn't unimaginable. It was unexpected, a interesting lesson for us all.

The day had started, normally, with breakfast, three boys and two retrievers to attend to. The day was somewhat predictable until we arrived at the home of our relative. In a house built for 'one', there would be little to amuse young boys, I knew. But I was not concerned. They knew how to behave in all environments. It was both their duty and responsibility. At home they could scream, yell, run around, as the tide allowed. Homes were designed with that human behaviour mind. But in the home of another, the boys knew what was expected of them. They were simply happy to be there.

The offer of sugar cookies and soda pop was presented as soon as we arrived. Episodes of The Three Stooges, would be shown for their viewing enjoyment. It was a treat, after all. An extra measure of tomfoolery, I mused. Oh,my. This newest 'twist' on lunch was unexpected, our boys knew. A set of unusual circumstances had been presented. They were uncertain as to what to do. The 'captain' of the crew, our oldest, looked at me plaintively, hoping for an answer. I reminded them that their choices were clear and simple. “Yes, please” or “No, thank you” would be their replies with each boy determining his own 'fate'. I appreciated their unusual dilemma. And so they greeted the sugary treats with unexpected excitement. I watched for changes in behaviour. I cannot remember what happened that day, but the boys grew up to be caring men, in loving relationships, with rescue pets and children, all around. One moment in time does not a bad habit make!

Cookies were not a mainstay in our children's lives, they knew. Even the homemade ones were a rare commodity. Fruit might have been an option with a hotdog, perhaps, that day. With small appetites, healthy food was always my preferred choice. (Get the good stuff in before the bad stuff has a chance.) The couple of hours visiting a relative, whom we rarely saw, was not going to be marred by a parent's “Is this all you have? “scenario. Maybe, poor judgement had been exercised by the host but I was not here for conflict resolution. It was more important to enjoy the visit than be 'distracted' by other less important things. Keeping things simple was what mattered most.

We visited another relative, an elderly candy aficionado. The sweet snacks were everywhere, spread out in a carefully laid out colourful landscape, on the coffee table, within reach of the little hands of children. It was a holiday, after all. Children will always decide what makes sense, in the moment, if given the opportunity. Excesses may begin the exercise but the body always wins the 'argument'. Rational thinking takes time. Watching my reaction to the 'sweet' offers of candy was a powerful moment for both of us. Mom was going off script. How could she do that, they wondered? It was easy. The clock was ticking and I was not worried. A diet 'correction' would occur later, at home. Having a good time was what the holiday visit was all about. Candy was just a momentary fun distraction. ... Controlling children was never in their best interest. Who wins if parents are always in charge of life's 'little' moments?

Our boys did eat the candy, that day, how much, I do not remember, but the luster of those ongoing moments of freedom soon passed. Saying “no” to children is easy. If said often, the word becomes meaningless. The power structure is so lopsided, anyway. A win on the parenting battlefield, early on, means nothing, if children do not learn the consequences of their own behavior. Bigger battles are looming, later, when “no” will unleash its truly awesome power upon them.

The sweet dilemma of those moments, long ago, became isolated incidents of fun to recall. Much is lost, in raising children, when our need to control them, in every way, supersedes theirs to learn valuable lessons. Being of sound mind and body doesn't just happen. It is created over time, with practice, patience and help from caring, loving family members, some of whom are of the four-legged variety.